Done

You’re uncouth and it’s unbearable
In fact I find it terrible
You can’t have what you don’t get
I’m miss understood
and you’re miss interpret
Bitch, it hurts when you talk like those ugly men
And I don’t wanna relive that again
Make a story where I’m crazy
To tell all your friends
And forget the parts where I got screwed by you
Each tightening twist that ensued
How you said I was rude and your folds
Left me gasping for air I was due
For my honesty, I got speculation
And for effort, I got no reciprocation
For your vile remarks, and my retort in barks
When I should have responded with automation?
Fuck that! I held even more back
And now I’m holding it all
You have no access
To the lessons I gathered
from this mess of effort
I have too many storms to weather
To try to be ever-present
For someone who just doesn’t get it
To care is to treasure the memories
Self-reflection is not your enemy
Having the last word is not important to me

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Published in: on November 12, 2018 at 10:09 pm  Leave a Comment  
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Fever

I’ve come down with a fever
My temp is dependent on a few numbers
30 and rising is the difference in degrees between us
and 86.7 are the miles keeping us apart
And, honey, it’s so hard
All I want is to break this fever
And smash my self deep into your toasty skin
You’re the only warmth I want seeping in
Squirming and writhing through this valley fume
Just to reach you, I’ll scale tasks and maps
I’ll span the schedule gaps
And launch myself into your lap

The seizures I suffer,
Aftershocks and twitches, my lover;
Your steam whispered hot…
I am finding this tougher to survive
It’s much easier to admit this
That all I want
Is to call in sick and
Suck your sweat
Into every damn pore of mine,
Break this fever
Like an egg over your lips
And quiet my convulsive quiver
Beneath those silky fingertips

So if you want to know
why I am glowing these many days;
burning and biting and restless,
It is that untempered temperature
My heart smashing arrhythmically
Desperate for a degree
That washes me with ease

The doctor said
My pharmacy is on a swift road west
I guess there will be relapse after relapse
And perhaps with frequent treatment
And your hands behind my knee bends
Together, we can beat, this.

Published in: on August 18, 2018 at 10:12 pm  Leave a Comment  
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Static Screen

Some downpours are percussion
So fierce I confuse it for static hum
The world around me crackling so hard with black and white
That it has washed over in gray blur
It stirs in me a discontent
The white noise dampening my senses
My bones buzzing in winces
It’s an electric fence that keeps me aching stone still
Until I trance-walk into that ghastly screen,
Dripping, dissipating, fragmented, unseen
I will sing with the fuzz
The incessant tap dance of wet haze,
Until I melt into rhythm, swallow hard… erase

Published in: on April 20, 2018 at 9:16 pm  Comments (1)  
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Big lots

I’m an ugly brand of cursed
I don’t know which is worse
The flimsy packaging
Or the aftertaste

Rebrand me all you try
I’m not selling out
A product of a fired staff
I’m a dream that should have died

I’m not hard to open
I haven’t gone stale
I haven’t expired
But I’m tired

Just a weird concept
Pushed into production
Devalued
And waiting to be free

Published in: on April 13, 2018 at 12:56 am  Leave a Comment  
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A witch’s resignation

You might say that I am getting older;
That I will get old.
I have always felt old, and I am done.

I will say that lines
will take shape around the curves of my face
To warn people I have done too much...
Cared too much

And you may say I'm getting bolder;
That I have gotten bold.
I have not been bold enough, young man!

I will say that my nerves
Have recoiled from the surface,
Retreated to a deep space
for the brave to discover,
With backhoes

You may say that I have grown colder, 
that I am getting cold. 
I have no want of coldness, save for sweet death
 
I will say that I would die to feel a little warmth
And I would not mind
If you'd just burn me at
The stake
Published in: on February 7, 2018 at 12:44 am  Leave a Comment  

Spexamy

someday this rock will blow!
and a spec of me will fall like snow 
Onto the moon

gravity unconfined, we'll joyride
through seas of galaxies
far and wide 
Me and the moon
 
off-balance and untethered 
devoid of day, devoid of weather 
Until I fall off of the moon
 
knobby asteroids and space trash
warming me with their shrapnel crash
I float-nap on the moon

my tears initiate and hover 
the blast shatters light like kaleidoscope lovers  
Blow-up the hurling stone moon
Published in: on February 6, 2018 at 11:59 pm  Leave a Comment  

Game for 1

You built a fantasy I didnt create

You filled in the blanks

And signed my name

You rolled the dice and moved my piece
bet on the wrong deal
and lost your fleece

I’m finding out who you’re bein’
The dead end your facing
And the ghosts you’re seein’

I’ve gone round and round to dizziness
I signed a different contract
And I mind my business

I’m stacking pages in this wicked lore
Spread that ink
And shake that core

All these sheets of ink and beds that sink
I sleep in the middle
And you still drink

And I’ve shredded everything that binds
Shed obligation
And crossed the lines

To be alone with myself, rediscovered
A free agent
I float and don’t hover

I checked my strength, checked my hits
On my own,
I know I got this

I asked to play, not compete
And what’s the point
When you just cheat?

Published in: on December 29, 2017 at 12:01 am  Leave a Comment  
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What matters?

I am a ball of unfettered mystical song, sounds of sparkling applause, yawns and starlit reverb, serendipitously making my way into velvet chasmic channels where all the spawn of my former lost thoughts reside. And boy, they have grown.

I hear velvet tones…
I am a butterscotch disc under the tongue, murmurs of memories in stereo; feedback of feelings and walls of will feel me filling me in the everstill fountain feeding all the trickling tributary glistening flow, with all those miles and whiles making me whole. I’m a belly full
In a sea of vibrations, every lampshade, every handshake, it’s a rogue wave if you can bob along. I wait for the tickle that tames me, the trickle that takes me and the twinkle-flash that sunset lakes breathe.

All matter is touching. 
I can’t remember much, all the places I’ve tucked myself, lines dispelled and melted into mist, the explosive lips I’ve kissed, gratuitous realizations, exhilaration, and how I keep scooping it together, making mounds of memory, sounds that comfort me, close my eyes and try to be with everything I’ve ever known.

And feel at once at home.
I am particles and part of this loose illusion of happenstance, substance, romance, and existance. Man’s balance is tipping and should be tip-toeing, going toward a contentedness in glowing with all the other matter that lights up the space without.

Get in, get lit, go out. 

Published in: on November 26, 2017 at 9:49 pm  Comments (2)  

Neptune’s muse

I’m beside
the seaside
On my inside
and it’s all too clear

I’ve got to get out of here

My core sways
All day
And I churn with the waves

It’s the only way

I am glitter wet
A rhythmic crash
A force unabashed

And my poor heart swims
Fed by the channels
Of a land I forgot

This is all I’ve got

droplets, caught
in an inverted bowl
every puddle, whole

I rage and splash
lick and swell, consistenly
pulsing steadily

can’t help but be

Neptune’s muse
neptunes muse

Published in: on September 5, 2017 at 11:46 pm  Leave a Comment  
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Ruins

Crown of boulders
On your head
You’re dead inside

Your neck
A pillar hollowed dry
Where your feelings tried

To claw their way out
Force open your maw
That has petrified

Streams of tears
Long as interstates
Mark you

Like maps
Tattered in darkest
Gloveboxes

You loss is mine
You’ve lost your shine
And won’t again

All beauty is in ruins
And if you look
With naked eyes

The faint cracks detail
ancient struggle
A will forsaken

An ignored landscape
Suffocation
And ultimately

Resignation

These days
You wouldn’t mind
Some lava flows
A retweet
Or a birthday card

But it’s to hard with
All those boulders

On your crown

Published in: on May 10, 2017 at 11:38 pm  Leave a Comment  
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Taken

I'm being stripped of everything 
And I want nothing left to take
Nothing left to guard
 That's what is hard

To have something they want
And watch as they misuse it
 All the white-teethed family portraits

Are exposed through a wash
Of intentional obliviousness
 You can't be blindsided when you're blind-sighted

But I'm awake, and I see
What it seizes
 And I cease to freeze and become the numb end of a heist

I'm not gonna fight.
I'm gonna throw the match
Published in: on May 5, 2017 at 12:56 am  Leave a Comment  
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Maraschino Tombstone Lover

I’ve been holding myself tight

Waiting for you to take a bite outta meh

Knock all that talk of dichotomy

I want you to have the whole lot of me

Let’s fuck our way into eternity

I’m no fiduciary seduciary

I’m more a “let’s me and you get buried”

Type, but I’m kinda wary. I forgot

To put the cherry

On top

Published in: on January 18, 2017 at 1:29 am  Leave a Comment  
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4am

A thick ribbon of white lights
Cascades from the valley
Transporting regret
Each passenger, a slave
Burning into reluctant Monday

But I’m brave
Heading the other way
Descending into
My fleeting black
A determined fool
Glistening with weekend butter
Better for sliding in to home
Dirty pants, romanced, gold

Those vessels of empty soul
Carting themselves forward
For goods they barely touch
Wolfing down a hasty lunch
Chasing remnants of light

They haven’t learned
Enough by answering clocks
And emails
Except how to line up real nice
And shuffle slowly to
their demise

Published in: on May 8, 2016 at 7:52 pm  Leave a Comment  
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Soundless Thoughts

To bed with me, and that wild soundlessness in my head.
A mental rinse cycle agitating in its canister, silent, and voracious,
An abstract blender of subconscious unknown to the clueless bystander world.

I’m gone far, in the vacuum of thought, dreams
Where screams don’t echo
and whispers don’t float

But light, and idea, yes
They are quick and direct,
shifting, racing
intersecting
everything coalescing,
grids and planes,
bright eyes and laser beams
paisleys in cream
revolving, rotating
floatating

Thought does not make a sound
And the deaf world does not understand
why I am damned:

All night, I slumber
headlong full
of a psychedelic circus
buzzing circuits
and to no wonder,
wake exhausted

Published in: on March 11, 2016 at 2:33 am  Leave a Comment  
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Femme Fatale

This was written over the course of a few years. Link back to parts 1 & 2.

I.
Her beauty is imminent danger:
Ringlets tailspin from her head
dive bomb and crash into her shoulders
A collarbone set like a bear trap
Dagger sharp nails soaked in victim red
Her tsunami sway hips’ destructive tides
Quicksand lips and a tongue like a whip
Lead pipe legs that blind with their glisten
Piercing eyes that break skin
drawing blood from your heart
to the surface by tiny pinpricks
Lampshade fringe eyelashes
luring the moths
Cannonball breasts ready to ignite
And the hourglass figure that warned you
Your time is almost up!

II.
It’s too late,
her allure has lured you in
your reflection,
now forever fixed in her eyes;
a prisonly prism
that will not look away,
and while she sways
Every touch, evidence,
fingerprints she will lift with her powder brush
Those bombshell bosoms
close enough,
you hear the ticking
and you know
it is not her black heart
When your hand reaches the top
of that satin slit
and her garter clicks,
you will know
“This is it”.

III.
A private dick can’t resist
A femme fatale
Her ether sweet perfume
Intoxicant undetected by all
Right under your nose
A big sleep
Going deep and succumbed
The revolver draws
The squeeze trigger eyes
The cold lead thighs
Solve the crime of your demise
That dame can detonate
Without a hair misplaced
Leaving parts of you all over the scene
Darkened alleys narrowing
To a peeping pinhole vanishing… gone
And on her skin, colder than the rain licked sidewalks
And gutter grate-mouths, cigarette-steaming
The clue you missed, somehow, but now
You are a snuffed spliff
Just another missing stiff,
Wrapped in fishnets
And swimming with fish
All because of that deep, red kiss

femme_fatale

Published in: on December 27, 2015 at 3:28 pm  Leave a Comment  

Volunteer

On my first breath
I was a mess
you were absent forever
I drank absinthe and ether
every addict is running from something
but I stayed put
and was sorry
everything ran from me

I often played alone
it was house, never home
while you were chasing approval
I chased yours
and now I don’t know how to stay still
I stay busy
My haste makes the wind of that first breath

I made sacrifices to nothingness
And slaved to empty husband and children
Woke up old and tired
ready to slave
to the everythingness
ready to run toward something
that I can give to
that gives back
whose arms circle around me, as I theirs
closing the loop
of linear marathons
that go to nowhereness

Published in: on December 13, 2015 at 3:50 am  Leave a Comment  
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Given Up

That Saturday morning Dad went to rest
forever on his old bed
and that old mattress,
I was in the kitchen
cleaning the waffle iron.
It wasn’t as much a mess
As I was when I learned too late
He’d Gone

The heat of the Tucson sun
blasted through the dining window
scattering to the walls from the chandelier
turning the room into a frightening scene
of fleeing spirits rising
like lava lamp ghosts,
invisibly higher
and I wondered if the sun
could just be a crystal in
a bigger chandelier;
another light source behind it.

I cried in the closet that day
with the Samurai sword, old leather jacket,
boxing glove, and bowling ball.
The grief took me too hard
to realize that I now had to find homes
for all these orphaned possessions,
But not hard enough to realize
I would never find
home for myself again.

Published in: on December 13, 2015 at 1:39 am  Leave a Comment  
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fortune Teller

In the future we will travel
vacuumed like money is in tubes now
because we have become nothing
but assets for our government

intelitubediagram

Published in: on December 13, 2015 at 1:37 am  Leave a Comment  
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No hiss

There hung a single icicle
puncturing the pregnant moon, sinking

I came to pray to the night,
give my winter confession,
whisper visible breath
in hopes the silence would steal it
and I knew it would
because the moon, she made it far enough
to escape the chill that would expose
her leaking air;
the sound already stolen away

The round world will never know tonight, we deflated, you and I.

1459370700

Published in: on December 13, 2015 at 1:27 am  Leave a Comment  
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Sparrow

if you feel little
think upon the brave sparrow
fly and rise above

Published in: on December 13, 2015 at 1:24 am  Leave a Comment  
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