Fever

I’ve come down with a fever
My temp is dependent on a few numbers
30 and rising is the difference in degrees between us
and 86.7 are the miles keeping us apart
And, honey, it’s so hard
All I want is to break this fever
And smash my self deep into your toasty skin
You’re the only warmth I want seeping in
Squirming and writhing through this valley fume
Just to reach you, I’ll scale tasks and maps
I’ll span the schedule gaps
And launch myself into your lap

The seizures I suffer,
Aftershocks and twitches, my lover;
Your steam whispered hot…
I am finding this tougher to survive
It’s much easier to admit this
That all I want
Is to call in sick and
Suck your sweat
Into every damn pore of mine,
Break this fever
Like an egg over your lips
And quiet my convulsive quiver
Beneath those silky fingertips

So if you want to know
why I am glowing these many days;
burning and biting and restless,
It is that untempered temperature
My heart smashing arrhythmically
Desperate for a degree
That washes me with ease

The doctor said
My pharmacy is on a swift road west
I guess there will be relapse after relapse
And perhaps with frequent treatment
And your hands behind my knee bends
Together, we can beat, this.

Published in: on August 18, 2018 at 10:12 pm  Leave a Comment  
Tags: , , , , , , , ,

Static Screen

Some downpours are percussion
So fierce I confuse it for static hum
The world around me crackling so hard with black and white
That it has washed over in gray blur
It stirs in me a discontent
The white noise dampening my senses
My bones buzzing in winces
It’s an electric fence that keeps me aching stone still
Until I trance-walk into that ghastly screen,
Dripping, dissipating, fragmented, unseen
I will sing with the fuzz
The incessant tap dance of wet haze,
Until I melt into rhythm, swallow hard… erase

Published in: on April 20, 2018 at 9:16 pm  Comments (1)  
Tags: , , , , , , , ,

Big lots

I’m an ugly brand of cursed
I don’t know which is worse
The flimsy packaging
Or the aftertaste

Rebrand me all you try
I’m not selling out
A product of a fired staff
I’m a dream that should have died

I’m not hard to open
I haven’t gone stale
I haven’t expired
But I’m tired

Just a weird concept
Pushed into production
Devalued
And waiting to be free

Published in: on April 13, 2018 at 12:56 am  Leave a Comment  
Tags: , , , , , , ,

Ruins

Crown of boulders
On your head
You’re dead inside

Your neck
A pillar hollowed dry
Where your feelings tried

To claw their way out
Force open your maw
That has petrified

Streams of tears
Long as interstates
Mark you

Like maps
Tattered in darkest
Gloveboxes

You loss is mine
You’ve lost your shine
And won’t again

All beauty is in ruins
And if you look
With naked eyes

The faint cracks detail
ancient struggle
A will forsaken

An ignored landscape
Suffocation
And ultimately

Resignation

These days
You wouldn’t mind
Some lava flows
A retweet
Or a birthday card

But it’s to hard with
All those boulders

On your crown

Published in: on May 10, 2017 at 11:38 pm  Leave a Comment  
Tags: , , , , ,

Maraschino Tombstone Lover

I’ve been holding myself tight

Waiting for you to take a bite outta meh

Knock all that talk of dichotomy

I want you to have the whole lot of me

Let’s fuck our way into eternity

I’m no fiduciary seduciary

I’m more a “let’s me and you get buried”

Type, but I’m kinda wary. I forgot

To put the cherry

On top

Published in: on January 18, 2017 at 1:29 am  Leave a Comment  
Tags: , , , , , ,

4am

A thick ribbon of white lights
Cascades from the valley
Transporting regret
Each passenger, a slave
Burning into reluctant Monday

But I’m brave
Heading the other way
Descending into
My fleeting black
A determined fool
Glistening with weekend butter
Better for sliding in to home
Dirty pants, romanced, gold

Those vessels of empty soul
Carting themselves forward
For goods they barely touch
Wolfing down a hasty lunch
Chasing remnants of light

They haven’t learned
Enough by answering clocks
And emails
Except how to line up real nice
And shuffle slowly to
their demise

Published in: on May 8, 2016 at 7:52 pm  Leave a Comment  
Tags: , , , , , , ,

Soundless Thoughts

To bed with me, and that wild soundlessness in my head.
A mental rinse cycle agitating in its canister, silent, and voracious,
An abstract blender of subconscious unknown to the clueless bystander world.

I’m gone far, in the vacuum of thought, dreams
Where screams don’t echo
and whispers don’t float

But light, and idea, yes
They are quick and direct,
shifting, racing
intersecting
everything coalescing,
grids and planes,
bright eyes and laser beams
paisleys in cream
revolving, rotating
floatating

Thought does not make a sound
And the deaf world does not understand
why I am damned:

All night, I slumber
headlong full
of a psychedelic circus
buzzing circuits
and to no wonder,
wake exhausted

Published in: on March 11, 2016 at 2:33 am  Leave a Comment  
Tags: , , , , ,

Volunteer

On my first breath
I was a mess
you were absent forever
I drank absinthe and ether
every addict is running from something
but I stayed put
and was sorry
everything ran from me

I often played alone
it was house, never home
while you were chasing approval
I chased yours
and now I don’t know how to stay still
I stay busy
My haste makes the wind of that first breath

I made sacrifices to nothingness
And slaved to empty husband and children
Woke up old and tired
ready to slave
to the everythingness
ready to run toward something
that I can give to
that gives back
whose arms circle around me, as I theirs
closing the loop
of linear marathons
that go to nowhereness

Published in: on December 13, 2015 at 3:50 am  Leave a Comment  
Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Given Up

That Saturday morning Dad went to rest
forever on his old bed
and that old mattress,
I was in the kitchen
cleaning the waffle iron.
It wasn’t as much a mess
As I was when I learned too late
He’d Gone

The heat of the Tucson sun
blasted through the dining window
scattering to the walls from the chandelier
turning the room into a frightening scene
of fleeing spirits rising
like lava lamp ghosts,
invisibly higher
and I wondered if the sun
could just be a crystal in
a bigger chandelier;
another light source behind it.

I cried in the closet that day
with the Samurai sword, old leather jacket,
boxing glove, and bowling ball.
The grief took me too hard
to realize that I now had to find homes
for all these orphaned possessions,
But not hard enough to realize
I would never find
home for myself again.

Published in: on December 13, 2015 at 1:39 am  Leave a Comment  
Tags: , , , , , ,

fortune Teller

In the future we will travel
vacuumed like money is in tubes now
because we have become nothing
but assets for our government

intelitubediagram

Published in: on December 13, 2015 at 1:37 am  Leave a Comment  
Tags: , , , , , ,

No hiss

There hung a single icicle
puncturing the pregnant moon, sinking

I came to pray to the night,
give my winter confession,
whisper visible breath
in hopes the silence would steal it
and I knew it would
because the moon, she made it far enough
to escape the chill that would expose
her leaking air;
the sound already stolen away

The round world will never know tonight, we deflated, you and I.

1459370700

Published in: on December 13, 2015 at 1:27 am  Leave a Comment  
Tags: , , , , , , ,

Sparrow

if you feel little
think upon the brave sparrow
fly and rise above

Published in: on December 13, 2015 at 1:24 am  Leave a Comment  
Tags: , ,

I wasn’t your first mistake

I wasn’t your first mistake
But I was the one that lasted longest
I was 10 weeks gestated
When you were doing bong hits

When I arrived, slipping, oozing
out your cold crack
you put down the pipe long enough
to kindly ask to send me back

When you screw-up and close your eyes
Sometimes problems go away.
You’ve got a few souvenir scars
But I am the biggest, by far…

You’ve spent my whole life
wishing penises had eraser tips
And you feel gyped that you
Didn’t learn anything from all of it

Thought I’d worry about being a disappointment?
Nah, I think you got this
I was late to your personal party
And I ruined it

There’s a lot of rue in your gret
But the re- hasn’t happened yet
Most of the crap you’d do all over again
But I was doo you would’ve held in

 

Published in: on August 17, 2015 at 9:58 pm  Leave a Comment  
Tags: , , , , , , , ,

Insolvent

I’m always writing things I gotta do under your name
But I crossed you off the list long ago
Now I’m too tired to cry
Every time I forget you
Your ghost makes a mess
Do you think I look good in distress?

I try to handle my business
But it just goes right through my hands
Grabbing light isn’t easy
When you gotta keep your fists ready
And I’m ready to lay down the pen
I’m too tired to write
I tried to let go
My hands couldn’t clutch
So much

Getting paid to solve problems
I’m working to make everything work
But you were the problem that got away
A solution made of alcohol and apathy
An apothecary of sociopathy.
Now I’m too tired to care
I gave up and let everything happen
The result is inevitable:
I’m still not the one who’s a vegetable

If we were to count
On all the broken promises
And see the negatives you’ve conjured
I’d say you’re already underground
And I’m not going to cry
But I’ll help pack the dirt
For the ceremony
In lieu of alimony

Scheduled Solitude

You guys are doing a good job of leaving me alone
There’s a code for those that know
You only give to the ones that show
And, oh, how quiet it’s grown

The rsvps unanswered
The promises, then the cancels
All appointments go in pencil
I feel so reprehensible

If I count on those that are accountable
The sum would come to doubtible
The deficits are insurmountable
For good friends are just not bountiful

We are made to feel rejected
If no human contact is inflected
But what if I elected
my time, my own,
To embrace introspection?

Here am I at the ready!
I am punctual. I am steady
It’s hard to be regretting
Having a good friend in myself

Published in: on August 5, 2015 at 12:03 pm  Comments (1)  
Tags: , , , , , , ,

Possession

He would wait in bed

like a dog waits next to an empty bowl

He would gobble, chew, and slobber

After 10 cocktails, he wasn’t worth the bother

After 16 years on top of me

a final hit to the crotch

and I got free

He was the last possession I had

A thing I wanted so bad

and it turned out it was bad

Published in: on April 13, 2015 at 10:50 pm  Leave a Comment  
Tags: , , , ,

The Future

In a few minutes

we will have wasted a few more

looking at the black spot

just beyond the headlights,

waiting for things

to come into view,

waiting for good things to come,

waiting for the future to arrive

at gate B42

and greet it with hugs

as if it will be different

than the last time we waited

for something to arrive,

forgetting once we can see it,

we are bored.

In a few minutes

we will do things

that have been done before

feel feelings

that have been felt before,

but with different objects around us.

We will charge forward

holding remnants of familiarity,

answering to routine

and perhaps foreign traffic

coming in, and talk about it

as if we know what it is

before it arrives;

as if we are sudden clairvoyants

without an ego-biased agenda.

In a few minutes

we will realize that all

of anything coming or went

may be a another version

of something

that has happened before

and the only true distinction is

our individual

human

experience…

which is now.

Published in: on December 12, 2014 at 1:43 am  Comments (1)  
Tags: , , , , , , , , , ,

On the same Page

On the same page 12.10.14

Sitcom Lies

The sky was BLACK as cheese…
 
and you said you couldn’t respect me
if I wasn’t HONEST
 
and I said YOU watch tv all the time
 
And cheese COULD be that black if you leave it alone long enough
which is what you’ve done with me.
 
 
 
Published in: on May 29, 2014 at 11:53 pm  Leave a Comment  
Tags: , , , , , , ,

Shearing Skin

I had lost all hope
I was a fixture
a figment
a ligament contracted
in fists and fits
a misfit unfit
for fitting in
shearing skin
falsely thinking it let them in
 
 
Too grave to give
And given in
Gape gowned to the ghost
I gave way in ghastly grins
It sadly seeps and sways
In sweeps and says
“The cloth that hangs
Is wearing thin”
 
The naked haunt
Who has my heart
He harped and harked
Into the dark
So, to fall I followed
The invisible hollow
That fallow fellow
I met at my pillow
To pluck the plantation
Of flesh-cotton sorrow
 
No sheep can spin
That ripened skin
The fluffs of buff
I’ve given him
And gauged the girth
Of all his grim
On graveyard shifts
At the cotton gin
 
Of my frightly frocks
He dawned at dusk
I hemmed and hawed
“He has a husk!”
Hushed and hidden
Till head hits hay,
He woke me as I slipped away
 
Although remained in his remains
He reaps with me, now
In the rags of wraiths
And raves in tones of razor blades
Too visible to vanish
and too vanquished to be vain
 
We traipse along
the brim of night
showing our skin
Our dark burning bright
And haunt the fringe
of flocks in flight
 
and frighten the fowl
with hues and howls
how we flash and flaunt
our cacophonous cowls
and dive back to the morn’s burning sun
with jaundice yellow yowls
and our skin undone
 
Each midnight I mend
The shredded shroud
and cackle as I count it down
My hope, it seems
In seams, so soft
Are cloaks where I’m
no longer lost.
Published in: on May 5, 2014 at 12:26 am  Leave a Comment  
Tags: , , , , , , , ,
%d bloggers like this: