Low Expectations

The universe has rewarded
my low expectations.
It keeps me bobbing just on the opposite side of suicide
teasing me with that flaccid carrot;
and me, the fool,
who keeps reaching.
It unfolds before me
sarcasm, humility,
Murphy’s commandments…
It teaches me with pain,
ridicules my hope
and then gives me a taste
when I have given up.
It peppers me with tiny crises
until all I can taste is the heat
creeping up,
and just for juxtaposition,
throws a reality check
of ice water to my face
to show me what real crisis is.
The universe,
this great vast universe,
rewards my existence
by revealing the despair
in believing in fairytales,
the empty happiness
in social networking,
the infinite toil that fills my fridge.
                                                             
I am a drain having it’s last slurp
I have put my hands in the earth
and have gardened in enough dirt
to make a 6 foot hole.
I’ve learned I have no control.
Even my best sometimes fails
and entitlement is a tale.
Happiness is letting go
and living with the results.
And if it works,
you can proclaim
that the universe is full of miracles.
Published in: on April 21, 2011 at 10:52 pm  Leave a Comment  
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Low Sodium

I’m in one of those moods where I want to tear myself down and rebuild from scratch.

I want to procrastinate all my responsibilities and sink into oblivion… or a bubble bath at least.

I want to drink tea with a friend and discover hidden truths about life and each other.

I want to get up and start doing all the things I want to do, but I’m afraid it will hurt.

I want enough energy to run for an hour straight.

I want nobody to depend on me for a good month or so.

I want to put a little salt on my life. I want to fucking taste it.

I want to hibernate starting now and come to in late March. I feel unresponsible for any actions that may happen in my waking time between these months during my non-humanlike state.

I need encouragement to keep the blood pumping into my brain half the year. If I’m lucky, this year I will do it and maybe I will actually feel alive!

Published in: on October 20, 2010 at 11:37 pm  Comments (1)  
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Here Kitty. Nevermind.

here kitty. nevermind

Published in: on September 14, 2009 at 11:24 pm  Comments (5)  
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That frozen lump in my breast

Winter is the time
of year
My cold, still heart stops
I am an expressionless
face of chalk
growing too sad and tired to talk
 
becoming a cancer
that adheres
to the innards of the house
seeking regular chemo treatments
of tea
and then undoing my progress reading mournful poetry
 
Many things left
undone
unfelt cheer is my fault,
deteriorating relationships
and gardens
until the Spring brings my pardon
Published in: on January 14, 2009 at 8:52 am  Comments (1)  
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