Vulnerabull

Some people wear their vulnerability like a badge of honor.

Even the toughest broad can feel little and scared

when you strip away her shell,

but there are those that sell it, work it, milk it,

wearing their mushy soft armor,

seemingly begging

to be poked, tripped, hustled, fooled, ripped-off,

hurt, offended, insulted, worn-out ragged

a stage of sagas

strung along like snot-soaked pearls

to confirm their view of this unfair world

“I am too weak” or “This is too hard”

is the speech

that echoes on the avoiding crowd

How proud they are to share their woes

and retell the victimization by their foes

Leia said “Help me Obi Wan Knobi, you’re my only hope”

but took gun in hand, killed clone or man

because she CAN

We remember Annie Oakley, Mae West

but not the name of the damsel in distress

Published in: on October 27, 2009 at 9:15 pm  Comments (3)  
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Happy Blogaversary

Today is the one year anniversary of my blog. I’ve stuck my first post up on the top for the occasion. Last Halloween, I had thoughts coursing through my head like nobody’s business there was so much to do as there is every Halloween. I needed a place for overflow. I wanted a place to explore provocative themes; experiences both tender and contemptuous; variations on meter, alliteration, adjective use, tone; to dump all the gobbledy gook that clutters my thoughts. I basically set this thing up for me. I didn’t expect too many visitors, and really, haven’t had tons. That’s okay.

I’ve been writing poetry since 1991. I would doodle pictures in spiral bound books to go along with the poems. I felt it was time to centralize all (almost all) of my material, keep it better organized and move it into the 21st century. I’ve never essayed to publish them. I do not care about being famous or recognized. My only hopes are to meet people who may understand it, or who write in a way that I appreciate and understand. I used to show my work to people I thought might appreciate it. Only a few have. I really don’t show it to anyone anymore.

My local circle of influence is shallow, and I really don’t want to expose what I consider my best talent for fear of rejection…or worse, indifference. I am content to be perceived as a mediocre hack who doesn’t do much of anything talent-wise. When asked what I am up to lately, there isn’t much to report aside from the daily chores of life. What I put here represents one of my very few hobbies. If I were to continue announcing what I do to people around me, I would continue to get their eyes glazing over, or if they are interested, perhaps it’s not the type of work they find inspiring to them. There is good writing out there that bores me. It’s still good and skillful, but not of interest to me. So I fear that if someone is actually genuinely interested at first, they may ultimately be let down. In a way, the last year writing here has been cathartic.

I am finally learning to keep my mouth shut, and keep parts of myself hidden, whereas, usually, I am an open book, honest and shamelessly revealing. I’ve learned that people don’t appreciate honesty, even if it’s me being honest about myself good or bad. I’ve learned that social graces require a level of superficiality that I cannot muster. But it’s gotta go somewhere outside of me, and if there is an audience for that, cool. But I hadn’t intended this blog to be a platform for anything but a shelf for my brain.

I appreciate all the people who check in regularly, leave comments, or even silently read, enjoy and leave. I appreciate all the good work I have managed to find on WordPress. I wish I had the time to sort through everything more thoroughly to find the diamonds in the rough. I love referrals to good work if you have them. I love it when people drop in for some healthy discourse, even if we don’t agree. As a toast to the anniversary I had thought about writing a macabre Halloween type poem, but there’s too much to do at the moment. Perhaps tonight…. perhaps.

Published in: on October 25, 2009 at 12:10 pm  Comments (3)  
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The Sunday Blahg-Crush Trends

No poetry today-

Below is a chronology of my celebrity crushes. I can see the uncanny trends. Of course, I’ve already figured out what I like by now.I hooked one of the good ones.

Everyone has to root for the quarterback…right? I was about 6 yrs. old.

My favorite teacher from 5th grade bought a dynamite magazine and left it in my desk (when I was in 6th grade and he wasn’t even my teacher anymore) with a note as if Kirk himself had left it for me. He was on the cover, and my former teacher knew i had the hots for him. I liked Leo even better once he came on the show. I liked him up until Titanic and still respect his work, except for Titanic. But I guess an actor’s gotta concede to get a little bankroll to fund projects.

Joe Elliott, of Def Leppard, was a short lived crush. He winked at me during the “Pour Some Sugar on Me” video. He looked old to me then. He looks horrible now.

I always like the underdogs and nerds. Brian Austin Green was off my list when he started getting ghetto.

I still think Dave Gahan is pretty cool. I mean, Depeche Mode’s music is timeless is it not? But I only liked him during his goatee sporting “Songs of Faith and Devotion” era. That skinny, rough bad boy look gets me revved. Any rail-thin guy who rocks the Jesus look gets a second look from me. I had the hots for just such a guy while in college. We spent a little time together, and he turned out to be a gross, dirty, almost bum-like slacker. Ew.

Jon Stewart was a big crush for a long time. Kinda still is. Except he is too liberal for my taste. But, nonetheless, he is ruthlessly funny, and I still do like him. I liked him since the good ol’ days when he was on MTV. Smart funny nerd. Veddy nize. 🙂

Then there was the nerdy kid from Mars Attacks. Yum.

It’s not so much James Spader’s looks, as it is his presence. As I saw films with him in it, I began to see a trend in what I think is his real life behavior crossing over into his work. I love his teasing, perverted, defiling nature. All the while he is not loud or domineering, but rather quiet and commanding with his body language.

I know just about everybody loves Johnny. I appreciate him as an actor just like Leo. He’s got amazing range! His stuff with Tim Burton are some of my hands down favorite movies! His looks, since they change so drastically, are not always sexy. I mostly dig the Jack Sparrow thing. Debauchery? Check. Quirkiness? Yeah baby! And there’s something about how he said “Watch the goods, darlin'”. Mmmmmm…

Speaking of Johnny- When Willy Wonka was remade, all I heard for months was how I look like Johnny as Mr. Wonka.

031_28

of course, usually, I was not smiling so much. This picture is a rare exception. Probably because it was nearing Halloween.

Mike Rowe is an unusual pick for me. He’s got dreamy blue eyes and a ripped middle age working guy physique. That is not usually what I pine for. He seems to have a respectable personality, his butt looks good in jeans and he does some dirty, dirty work. Maybe he satisfies my farm girl need for a strengthy provider.

All in all, I like the skinny nerds, tall and geeky as possible. I’ve even threatened to lock one in my basement, just to borrow his tech skills at my whim. I also like a rogue bad ass, tattoos and facial hair either resembling a devilish goatee or jesus style black locks. I won a nerd minus the tech skills. He’s a classy Stephen Colbert type conservative, with a wit to match.

Which brings me to the latest. Colbert’s hair is awesome. Shiny, suave and classic. He doesn’t get me hot, but he’s damn handsome to look at. And dare I say he’s funnier than Stewart?

Published in: on October 18, 2009 at 8:46 pm  Comments (12)  
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The Clock Struck 2

everything is different than what you know from the last time

because the clock has chimed

it’s erased, replaced

somehow effaced

a gray blob in the heart of everyman getting thicker

it cuts quicker

thin-skinned

a mysterious trend

prodding wonder, inexplicable, unanswerable damnation

god-forsaken, fucking taken

alien invasion

Cold, quiet, pit, icy despair

no, just not fair

but there it is

tick

tick

BOOM

gone too soon

grab yer bottle and follow me to the tomb

sigh and sit

cry and shit,

doesn’t make sense, does it?

along the same incision… okay gash

another account rehash ash ash

stupid echo silence sobs

train-wreck moms

the blob barely throbs

and we wonder what we did wrong

we can lean on each other, like switch-stick huts

barely up and mostly numb

and weather this bastard storm

and for what?

It’s bad art, Lord, those boys

strewn out like Christmas lights on mangled metal

Would YOU settle

for an answer

that answers nothing at all?

Picture0049

Published in: on October 13, 2009 at 1:04 am  Comments (4)  
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Deep Autumn Waltz

lonely barbedThere’s a madness blowing in the wind

A kind of sadness forcing it’s way in

A single note striking again… and again… and again

creaks

There’s a darkness that smears down sky’s walls

A dreary smirchness in ev’ry leaf’s fall

And the settling house, creaking calls… and calls… and calls

burnpile

There’s a haziness from the farmer’s burned brush

set to drown from the oncoming drizzly gush

And the scarecrow has no choice but stay hush, hush, hush.

sacredcrow 2

Get ready for a long weary shade,

a blanket cloaked in ashen frigid gray,

wrapped around us and bound with rusty chains

Published in: on October 7, 2009 at 12:10 am  Comments (4)  
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